The Road Back

I want to thank Terin for inviting me to guest blog here today! I'm Meghan, mom to two boys and calling NOVA home. You can normally find me at my personal blog or www.nova.joytroupe.com.

Here we all are, the morning Keeghan was born.

After I had child number 2 in May of 2011, my doctor told me that I really, really needed to lose the baby weight by his first birthday. In case you're thinking, "hey, nobody told me that," let me point out that this recommendation is special for those of us who've had Gestational Diabetes. Or, as we affectionately refer to it amongst ourselves, GD. Which can stand for something else as well, and often does.

In my particular case, I've had it twice. And I was over 35 the second time. And I gained more than the recommended amount of weight BOTH times. And I have a family history of diabetes. There's more, but it's depressing enough, so I'll stop here. The end result of all that wonderfulness is that my risk of developing Type II diabetes in the next ten years could be as high as 60%.

The problem with THAT is, rather than being beneficially motivating, the pressure to lose weight by Keeghan's first birthday has been incredibly stressful. (Never more so than now, when it would require a time machine.) And since I have a problem and I need to be stopped, I've been coping with the stress of needing to lose weight by... eating. Carbs. Lots of them. Not even awesome carbs. I ate an entire bag of Chips Ahoy one day. Okay, Chips Ahoy aren't bad, but are they good enough to get diabetes for? It's like my mouth and my brain are together on this fast moving train, and no matter how hard the rest of me is trying to get off, I keep ending up back in my seat again.

Which brings me to my journey from my post-partum self to (hopefully soon) my healthy self and maintaining a healthy weight again. I'm working on it. I won't disclose my start or goal weights (since we all know that anyone skinnier than you is just bragging anyway) because I really deeply feel that when we start focusing on a number or a pants size, we fail to support each other on the journey from where we ARE to where we need to be- our healthiest selves. (But, seriously, if you're about to start telling me how hard it is to get from a size two to a zero... just don't. Please. Or pass the cookies first. Make mine Oreos.) But I will tell you that I have about 10 more pounds to go to reach my pre-pregnancy weight, and should probably lose about 5 more pounds after that.

So, what did I do on the eve of Keeghan's birthday? Did I go on a fast to help push me closer to my goal? NO. I baked him a cake and ate the leftover frosting out of the can with pretzel sticks as a dipping tool. (I warn you, do not try this at home. Because it is so good that you will hate me enough to drive to my house and strangle me with your fat pants. And I'll say, "THANK YOU," because I'm very low on fat pants and I really need something to wear.)

Have you detected the biggest problem of all here? I have a habit of noticing all my mistakes and not giving myself any credit when I get it right. (Yes, that's stressful, and yes, I respond to that stress by eating. Very enlightened. I'm proud to be a part of it.) I walked nearly 2.5 miles today. A year ago, I could not have done that if my children's lives were in danger. I need to lighten up on myself a little.

What I need, I think, are mileposts. You know how, on a trip, you have mile markers to keep track of how far you've come? I need to have some put in. (And, also, to lock up the cookie dough. Because I NEED TO BE STOPPED.) So, it's time to figure out exactly how to do that for myself, before I find myself back on that train with a jar of frosting in my hand.

When you put in your mileposts, what will they say? I promise to post some of mine over at Semele's Riches in the coming weeks. Care to join me?